Sunday, 21 September 2025

What is marriage without loyalty





 

I was never there the day that she said these words, but there is no dispute, my Grandmother would have said these words. She would have spoken them years before World War Two. She did speak them in love and in meaning. And she stood by them:

I, Mary Gladys Wilton, take you, William David Beals to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward;    
for better, for worse,    
for richer, for poorer,    
in sickness and in health,        
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,     
according to God’s holy law.  
In the presence of God I make this vow.

I know that these were her words due to her strong Anglican faith. Grandad, Bill Beals, became an Anglican in order to marry Gran. They would have two children before he went off to war in Europe; he was both recognised for distinguished services and injured. The turmoil of the war was real for him, but in amongst his worst times, he would send postcards back home speaking of his deep love and his longing to have Mary back in his arms. As soon as he did, two more children were born, the youngest being my Dad William Jeffery Beals.

Grandad carried a Gideon’s Bible throughout the war and also came back a stronger Christian. Gran and Grandad stuck by their vows – war did not part them; just as they promised, it was death that parted them in the 1980s when Grandad passed.

Marriage is a covenant relationship between two people. Being a covenant relationship, even in Biblical times, means and meant it is a legally binding relationship. Being a covenant relationship means that there are promises by both parties. Being a legally binding relationship, a covenant relationship also comes with consequences should one party fail to engage in their obligations. Being a covenant relationship, such a relationship comes with expectations of faithfulness, loyalty and commitment.

The relationship between Israel and God was a covenant relationship. In Exodus 23, we see Israel entering into the “I do” moment. The ceremony is given to us completely.

When Moses went and told the people all the LORD's words and laws, they responded with one voice, "Everything the LORD has said we will do." Moses then wrote down everything the LORD had said. He got up early the next morning and built an altar at the foot of the mountain and set up twelve stone pillars representing the twelve tribes of Israel. Then he sent young Israelite men, and they offered burnt offerings and sacrificed young bulls as fellowship offerings to the LORD. Moses took half of the blood and put it in bowls, and the other half he splashed against the altar. Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it to the people. They responded, "We will do everything the LORD has said; we will obey." Moses then took the blood, sprinkled it on the people and said, "This is the blood of the covenant that the LORD has made with you in accordance with all these words."  (Exo 24:3-8)

 God’s promise to the nation of Israel was clear:

Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. (Exo 19:5-6)

When Israel entered into a covenant with God, a marriage with God, they committed themselves to living the way God had instructed them. The blessings of this Covenant were real; Deuteronomy 28 confirms these blessings. But the consequences were also real should Israel choose not to follow their part of the deal. Covenant first and foremost is about relationship – both parties have to work. And being a covenant relationship, God promised to be faithful to Israel, should Israel be faithful, loyal and committed to God.

Those of us who are married, will also confirm that when one party feels that the loyalty and commitment to the marriage is one way, then it can lead to arguments which, at times, exposes the truth about just who is committed, who is faithful and who is truly loyal.

And Malachi is very much just that – an argument between the two covenant parties – God, the father, and his people, Israel the nation. It goes backwards and forwards six times. Each time God makes a statement, I have loved you, but you despise me, you have turned against me and your wives and so on. Each time, Israel argues back often with an accusatory ‘how’ and then God comes in with the punchline truth which knocks Israel to its knees.

We are up to the third argument. The one that is centred on the relationship between Israel and God – the covenant relationship

Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us?

Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?

Judah has been unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves by marrying women who worship a foreign god.

As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD remove him from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings an offering to the LORD Almighty.

Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.

You ask, "Why?"

 It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

Has not the one God made you?

You belong to him in body and spirit.

And what does the one God seek?

Godly offspring.

So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. "The man who hates and divorces his wife," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "does violence to the one he should protect," says the LORD Almighty.

So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. (Mal 2:10-16)

Malachi 2:10-16 really comes down to the crutch of the argument. In this covenant relationship, just who is living up to their commitments. The reality is Israel isn’t. They are being disloyal on three fronts:

They are being disloyal to their God

They are being disloyal to each other

They are being disloyal to their wives.

This is disloyalty on all levels – spiritually, socially, and personally. Three levels of relationship and on each level, there is nothing but disloyalty. And this is deep. We are not just talking one covenant. The reality is, God had been entering into covenants of promise since Adam and Eve. The first documented covenant was with Noah, the second with Abraham, the next with Moses and another with David. Each covenant built upon the previous, bringing more life to it.

And God is saying to his people – you have been disloyal to all the promises your ancestors entered into and in this you have been disloyal each other and disloyal to me. The reality was, the people of Judah, the people who had returned from exile had entered into marriages outside of Israel. God was not calling them to an ethnic purity, but to a spiritual one. We see time and time again in the Bible though the books of Judges, Samual and Kings, that every time the people of Israel married into the religions of the world, they would be swayed by those religions.

And it is easy to see why, it is even evident today in the covenant of the cross, the God of Israel, the God of the Christians, is not a lukewarm God. The blessings that come with this God, come at a cost. The Gods of the nations that surrounded Israel were Gods that promised power and wealth.

Today, we are surrounded by the secular Gods of money, power and success. To marry into this while following a God that actually requires sacrifice – love first your God and love your neighbour as yourself can come across to others as a very weak God especially as the blessings associated with our God are not blessings of wealth and power. Blessings of success, yes, but every fifty years, there would be a reset – no one would ever find themselves in a position in which they could lord it over others.

This disloyalty, Malachi shows, went deep, not only was it a disloyalty of God and others. This disloyalty ran deep – it ran into the households of Israel – men were being disloyal to their wives.

A marriage is real – it is a covenant that mirrors the covenant of God’s relationship with Israel. If you ever want to see the reality of covenant, relationship, faithfulness and loyalty, it is in a marriage.

The vows of a marriage are sacred and meaningful. I started this sermon with the traditional vows my Grandmother gave in an Anglican church to my Grandfather.

I, Mary Gladys Wilton, take you, William David Beals to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward;    
for better, for worse,    
for richer, for poorer,    
in sickness and in health,        
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,     
according to God’s holy law.  
In the presence of God I make this vow.

According to the Anglican Church, these vows represent the following aspects of covenant relationship:

1.    They offer timeless guidance through life’s biggest shift. They give a snapshot into a deep enduring commitment that can feel so overwhelming in the moment.

2.   Their simplicity speaks louder than over-explaining. They get to the point.

3.  They root the ceremony is in a shared faith. You can’t speak these words without standing in the same faith.

4.   They remind couples what commitment really means. No matter what happens, I commit to you; and

5.    They resonate across generations. Even when personalised, we commit to these promises.

So, God through Malachi is able to actively push the point – you have not lived up to your part of the deal. You want all the blessing but what have you given in return. I have lived up to my promise. I have loved you, but you have doubted and despised my love. I have lived up to my promise and saved you when the going got rough, and what did you give me in return, you have given me a wonky box of sacrifices – all the things that you wouldn’t even give to the beggars on the street. I have been faithful to you, but you have been disloyal to me, your neighbours and even your wives.

It is hard-hitting. Thank God we have a new covenant. A covenant that replaces the ones of old, a covenant of grace and mercy. A covenant won at the cross.

Thank God, this makes living so much more easier because God’s grace and mercy are always at the door; all we have to do to enter into a covenant with Jesus is to confess his name and ask for forgiveness.

If Malachi was here today, he would be so pleased to see truly covenant people. Wouldn’t he?

Sorry church, if Malachi was here today, his message may change but the principles would still be there. We have entered into a covenant relationship. Like the covenants of old, this new covenant builds on those of the ancestors of Israel. Actually, it doesn’t just build upon them, it fulfils them and gives them substance and life.

He would remind us that such a relationship, is two-way first and then overflows to our relationships with each other and in our families.

He would point out that there is real evidence that we are completely unfaithful to God everyday we leave the church doors and blend into the world around us. The world is right when it points out to hypocrisy:

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today     
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips             
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.        
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable. (Brennan Manning)

He would point out that the Covenant of the cross is based on a concept of forgiveness:

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Mat 6:14-15)

But within churches, even our own, the festering sin of unforgiveness is real. The reality is, if you do not forgive, or if you sort of forgive but not really forgive, or if you pretty much forgive, but refuse to seek restoration, or if you forgive with conditions – your Father will not forgive your sins.

It’s as simple as that.

I also think Malachi will point out God’s despair at the watering down of the gospel. We have sold the world a religion of promise and prosperity, we have sold Jesus as a self-help therapy tool. We have watered Jesus and the gospel down.

While the message of the cross is good news and brings blessing. The message of the cross is one of repentance and a call to deeply know and be in relationship with God. When we are in right relationship with God, we can then be in right relationship with each-other.

And then I hear Malachi whispering in my ear: tell them about Paul, tell them what to look for. You see, the message of Malachi was for a community, a community that relationship of unfaithfulness and disloyalty manifested from God, down to each other and into each home. Israel had become corrupt there were no right relationship.

Fiona, tell them about Paul, tell them what to look for. Tell them there is something to work for – tell them. Okay Malachi.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Gal 5:19-26)

Paul is echoing Malachi – to live in wrong relationship with God, each other and our own families is to live in hatred, discord, jealousy, envy. But to live in right relationship is to push into Christ in our covenant relationship and strive, yes strive, because our salvation has to be worked out – we have to walk each day closer to Christ. We are to strive to have within our relationship with God, each other and in our own homes – love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control.

Church, my challenge, to each of us is to strive to encourage each other to be fruitful in our spiritual walk with each other.

Church, let us be loyal, let us be committed, let us be faithful to God, to each other and to our families.


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